Let’s Talk About… Sexuality
The Courageous Girls movement is a proactive way we can help shape our daughters, and their view of themselves in a world that sends so many confusing messages about what it means to be a woman - from oversexualization and branding to gender fluidity and more. Many Christian moms are fearful to talk to their daughters too early about sensitive topics, for fear they will awaken something inside their innocent little girls. Some Christian moms operate from a fearful or anxiousunderstanding of what they DO NOT want to happen to their girls, but have not developed their own healthy framework for God’s good design for sex and gender identity.
Courageous Girls curriculum is designed to help moms and daughters have intentional conversations - with a slow and steady drip of truth, reality, and hope. A mom’s guidance (with the help of the CG lessons and a group of moms) will help daughters grow in confidence, relationship with God and her mom, and have a better understanding around how sexuality is shaped by our experiences, relationships, and culture. We have power as moms to help guide our girls, regardless of our/their experience or cultural exposure.
Saying nothing about these topics can speak louder than what we actually say. When we speak in vagueness, we are leaving wide open spaces to be filled in by other voices in our daughter’s life. The CG process considers the developmental stages of our girls in the curriculum. In age-appropriate doses, moms and daughters dig into the topics about their unique bodies as females, the profound design for sex, and the on-going passion for purity in the context of safe conversations. This is about helping our girls find joy and trust in God’s design, not shaming them into obedience. The predominant message of our culture is that “we get to decide” who we are and how we define ourselves. God’s Word says that God’s plan is good, His heart is good toward us, and we can trust His design and purpose for us as women.
The more we “normalize” our daughter’s curiosities and help calm their nerves about these things, the more we can help minimize the chances that our daughter gets swept away by ideas and practices that are not part of God’s good design. And as they struggle along the way, they will have their mom and a trusted community to walk with them through the valley . So many of our children and teens are struggling because they FEEL alone and need a place to belong. CG groups meet this need at the core.
We have included some key reference points to help moms understand why it is imperative to NOT WAIT to talk to our girls about sexuality and gender identities. We can help our daughters discover what God truly intended all along and understand His heart for them. The statistics included below are not intended to cause fear, but to help moms walk with eyes wide open. We are tempted to avoid the topics ourselves! However, we love our daughters too much, and so do you. The good news is that the more we know and talk about the real issues, the less anxiety we have and the better equipped we are to respond IF anything comes to harm our precious girls.
It is our job as moms to equip and lead our children, not to simply shelter them from the world. It is impossible to protect them from all the messages bombarding them in this digital age and we are naive if we think we can. In the counseling room, I hear too many sad stories that prove this point. However, we can help shape our daughters’ interpretations of what they are exposed to and help them think critically about the endless possibilities of what it means to be a girl.
Consider the following statistics :
50% of girls in middle school have tried oral sex (Girls & Sex, 2016).
By the time a girl is sixteen, she will have had intercourse with at least one person (Girls & Sex, 2016).
By the time she graduates from college, she is likely to experience one form of sexual assault or sexual abuse, regardless of her background (Girls & Sex, 2016).
A recent study conducted by the Harvard Graduate School of Education found that 87% of women aged 18-25 years old reported having experienced sexual harassment in their lifetime; Only 24% had ever talked with their parents about how to avoid these situations (“The Talk: How Adults Can Promote Young People’s Healthy Relationships and Prevent Misogyny and Sexual Harassment” 2017).
One in three girls is sexually abused by a “trusted” person in her life (Wallace 2015).
One in two girls thinks her “ideal” body weight is thinner than she actually is (Wallace 2015).
Every single girl (one out of every one) has been affected by the cultural norms of being “pretty.”
The rise of self-harming behaviors such as cutting, eating disorders, pornography addictions, and even suicide are at the highest rates they have been in many age groups, and they are still rising.
The average girl is first exposed to pornography between the ages of 8-11 years old.
There are over 200 (and growing) ways that youth identify their sexual identity. We no longer live in a binary world that believes there are two genders: male and female.
Rapid Onset Gender Dysphoria is on the rise. Girls ages 11-15 who are identifying as something other than female have multiplied beyond comprehension since 2011. There is much research that points to underlying reasons and the CG curriculum has been developed with this in mind.
The reality is that there is enormous gender identity confusion in the world today. Thepornography and sex-trafficking industries are affecting our communities, destroying marriages, and teaching children that it is okay for humans to bedriven by uncontrolled visceral and primal needs. The secular view is that we get to decide what is right and that whatever we feel, we should do.
Mamas - if we do not actively participate in processing these issues at a developmentally appropriate pace, other voices will surely beat us to the punch.
On a very personal note:
If you have not addressed your own sexual story, it may be interfering with your ability to parent your daughter in this area. Consider asking a professional counselor, trusted friend or mentor to come alongside you and start processing your story. We cannot give away what we haven’t received and we cannot teach what we have not learned. Go to the places you need to go, do the inner work you need to do, so you are ready to lead your daughter. You are not alone. It is time to address your own story so you can help your daughter have a different one. You are courageous, mama. And we are here cheering you on!
