Being Courageous Through Our Grief
By: Livvy (Courageous Girl, age 11)
Grief is about the journey, not the destination (which means it takes a long time to heal). That's what I learned this past year through a personal experience of a painful loss. My auntie Christina (a.k.a. auntie Willy) was an amazing individual and she had Down Syndrome (a disorder where you have an extra chromosome which makes it more challenging to do things like speaking, reading, and other day-to-day functions). My aunt also had so many super powers because of her disability - like her humor\wit, ability to love others well, and her ability to not judge. About three years ago she was diagnosed with Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia (ALL). ALL, is a harsh and aggressive blood cancer. My auntie Willy fought bravely and was in between remission (which is when there are no cancer cells in your body) and being in the hospital.
In October 2021, my aunt got very sick with pneumonia and was placed in the Intensive Care Unit (ICU) at the hospital. My mom flew down to be with her in the hospital in Los Angeles (LA). Every day we would call her and every day my dad would tell us to prepare to say goodbye – it was a constant roller coaster of wondering if there would even be a tomorrow for her.
We made it down to LA in time to see my aunt before she went to be with Jesus on November 4th, 2021. This loss has been so painful and my grief has been intense because I loved my auntie and I loved to do things with her like: go to Disneyland, eat at the Old Spaghetti Factory, color, swim, watch movies, and so much more.
My faith has grown tremendously during this time of loss and my walk with God has grown too. I learned that He’ll never forsake me or forget about my life because it matters to Him. For it is when we walk through something hard that we really rely on God and it brings us closer to Him. It also makes us more resilient and helps us all understand that our whole world is suffering, but there is also joy in the hard times – peace in the chaos. It especially helps if you have someone you trust to be your “port in a storm” – for me that was, and is, my parents, but for you it might be an auntie, trusted adult mentor, a teacher, or a grandparent. Life is an ocean - sometimes it's calm seas but other times life can rock your boat in a storm of worry, loss, and pain. But having a safe harbor is the best thing in times of trouble.
We all experience loss at some point in our life - whether it's a grandparent, close relative, loss of friendship, or a special pet – everyone goes through loss. I thought the grief from losing my auntie Willy would leave me after time, but that's the farthest thing from the truth. The grief sticks with you. Also there are no right or wrong feelings or emotions. I’ve experienced sadness, anger, frustration, despair, hurt - but also joy, hope, love, and comfort along with many other emotions.
When grieving, a couple of things that I have found to help me when I am very sad, or feeling alone, confused, or simply in need of refocusing are these:
Journaling is a very good thing to do to get your thoughts out.
Deep breaths are also very helpful.
Thinking of a special memory with the person (or pet) you are missing is a way help you focus on the good times.
Doing a hobby or activity that makes you happy is also healing – it can be anything (for me it’s reading, singing, or baking).
I am so thankful that I am able to share with you some of the things that have helped me. And hopefully, one of these things may help ease your grief journey just a bit if you experience a loss. Bon Voyage on your journey of faith and finding a safe port in Jesus.
Love,
Livvy
Livvy is our first Courageous Girl featured in the For Girls Like You magazine, Jan/Feb 2023
