How Do I Talk With My Daughter About SEX?

By Terra Mattson

Co-founder and Executive Director of Courageous Girls, Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist and Author

If there’s ever been a time for brave conversations with our daughters, it’s now.

Our girls are growing up in a world that bombards them daily with confusing messages about their bodies, beauty, identity, and sexuality. From TikTok trends to lunch table whispers, our daughters are absorbing ideas long before they’re developmentally ready to make sense of them. And if we, as moms and mentors, aren’t speaking into these tender places with love, clarity, and truth—someone else will.

These conversations can feel intimidating. Maybe you’ve never had someone guide you through them with grace. Maybe, like many of us, you grew up in a church culture that either stayed silent or shamed when it came to topics like modesty and sexuality. Too often, the Church has sent confusing messages—swinging between fear-based purity culture and complete avoidance—leaving many of us with wounds rather than wisdom. I spent over twenty years in the professional counseling office walking alongside thousands of girls and women of all ages. I understand.

We can do better. And we are doing better!

At Courageous Girls, we’re reclaiming these conversations with greater grace, courage, and trauma-informed intentionality. We believe that God’s design for our bodies is good—and that talking about them shouldn’t feel taboo or shame-filled. Instead, we want to create safe spaces where our daughters can ask honest questions, understand their changing bodies, and grow in confidence as they learn what it means to live with integrity, purpose, and joy.

This curriculum doesn’t shy away from the hard stuff—it leans in with gentleness and truth. We equip you, mama, with tools (and words) to help your daughter understand her worth, navigate her emotions, and approach her sexuality with holy confidence—not fear. And we’re doing it together, all while honoring each girl’s unique story, experience, and developmental stage.

You don’t have to have the perfect story or all the answers to lead your daughter well. You just have to show up—with your whole heart. We’ll be here, walking with you every step of the way as we raise a generation of girls who know they are wonderfully made, deeply loved, and never alone in their questions or growth.

Here are few parenting principles to keep in mind:

1. Start Sooner Than You Think
Don’t wait for the “big talk.” Begin small, age-appropriate conversations early. These ongoing moments of connection build trust and lay the foundation for deeper discussions later.

2. Be the Safe Place
Your daughter is surrounded by noise—social media, peers, culture. Be her steady, safe place. When she asks questions (even awkward ones), respond with calm, curiosity, and compassion. Let her know there’s nothing off-limits between you.

3. Lead with Grace, Not Shame
We don’t talk about modesty or sexuality to control or shame our daughters. We talk because they matter. Their bodies are good. Their sexuality is part of how God made them. Teach them to walk with dignity—not fear.

4. Redefine Modesty as Wholeness
Modesty isn’t about hiding or shrinking—it’s about wholeness, wisdom, and honoring God, self, and others. Encourage your daughter to dress and carry herself in ways that reflect her God-given worth and confidence.

5. Tell the Truth About the Culture
Our girls are being discipled by the world if we aren’t discipling them first. Talk openly about the messages they’re hearing—what’s real, what’s not, and what aligns with God’s heart. Equip them to discern and not just absorb.

6. Include the Beauty of God’s Design
Sexuality is not dirty or dangerous—it’s sacred. Help your daughter understand that God’s design is beautiful, powerful, and meant for good. Talk about intimacy, boundaries, and values through a lens of connection, not just protection.

7. Share Your Own Journey
Without over-sharing, let her into your story. What were you taught about modesty or sex growing up? What would you do differently? Vulnerability builds bridges and trust. It also normalizes what it means to be human. 

8. Use Developmentally Appropriate Language
Tailor the conversation to her age and maturity. You don’t need to explain everything at once—just enough for her to feel empowered, not overwhelmed. Courageous Girls helps you do just that!

9. Practice Listening More Than Lecturing
Ask good questions. “What do your friends say about this?” “How do you feel when you hear that?” Give her room to process, question, and grow. Your job is to guide, not control.

10. Keep Jesus at the Center
Ultimately, your daughter’s identity is rooted in what God says about her and what Christ did for her. Remind her that she is seen, known, and loved—no matter her what she does or what is done to her. Her identity is not because of what she does or how she looks, but because of whose she is. Grace leads. Always.

To hear more like this, follow conversations with Terra on the Courageous Girls Podcast or pick up her book, Courageous: Being Daughters Rooted in Grace. 

Follow Terra @terramattson or Courageous Girls @mycourageousgirls